Managing Conflict: How to Manage In-Fighting or Tension In Your Team

I hear managers raise this issue time and time again; what begins as an underlying tension between two or more of your team members, with covert “sniper” tactics, strained atmospheres, gossip mongering and occasional snide comments is turning into more open hostilities.

Your team risks splitting as people “take sides”, and you begin to realise your staff are spending increasingly more time focused on the mini battle playing out in your back yard, than on the key tasks they should be performing, which will drive their and your success.

If you want to stop the soap opera from unfolding in front of your eyes, Executive and Business Coach Shona Garner has some key tips to halt the rot, and turn around the whole dynamic of your team into a vibrant, positive and focused community.

Four Effective Tips for Managing Conflict

Managing Tip 1: Don’t play the ostrich.

Sometimes it’s tempting to ignore the rumblings of personality clashes in the hope it will resolve itself. You might be right – but if you sense the tension is getting worse, or it’s been going on for longer than a few weeks, avoiding or ignoring the issue can be devastating; both in terms of your team’s performance, and your own credibility as a manager.
Ask yourself, “What will be the consequence if I continue to avoid the issue?”

My bet is the answer to this question includes such things as:
The tension will increase and become more noticeable – not just within the team, but to those outside too.
Your authority and ability to manage may be questioned; by those team members who are not involved in the “in-fighting”, by other colleagues, and by your line-manager.
You’ll waste precious time when you could be getting on with the important stuff.
There’ll be increasing “talking behind backs” and gossiping.
There’s a risk it may really escalate into disciplinary or grievance procedures. This is a drain on everyone’s emotions, time and energy – not to mention suddenly becoming a huge negative focus for everyone.
With eyes off the ball, the team performance slips – and your chances of promotion are threatened.

Take your head out of the sand, decide what you really expect in terms of behaviour from your team, and start planning and preparing your strategy to face the issue head on.

Managing Tip 2: Ask yourself: “Why am I avoiding this? What am I afraid of?”

Very few people really feel comfortable facing conflict – so if you have been hoping it will go away, you’re almost certainly not on your own. However, you chose this kitchen – and the “heat” in this particular kitchen quite regularly involves playing politics and dealing with personality clashes, power struggles, and prima donnas!

Those above you expect you to deal with such issues. And you owe it those on your team who just want to get on with their jobs, and who want to distance themselves from this petty squabbling, to strive for a work environment which is enjoyable and supportive, not divisive and uncomfortable.

So – what stops you from nipping this in the bud, or tackling the situation? Be honest with yourself. Whatever your answer, ask yourself how you can overcome this block. Talk it over with someone you trust.

Managing Tip 3: Plan your approach

Once you’ve decided you’re going to bite the bullet, now’s the time to make your plan of action.

• Get clear in your own head about what you believe is acceptable behaviour and what’s not, and be prepared to communicate this to your team.
• Think about when, where and how you have your initial conversation with the individuals concerned.
• Consider carefully the words you might use, avoiding accusation and emotionally charged or potentially inflammatory words. For example, use “I” instead of “you”. Use “disagreement” instead of “row” or “battle”.
• Consider at least three strengths you perceive each individual brings to the team.
  No matter how hard it is, if you’re feeling frustrated or cross about the situation, there’s a danger you’ll see things through negative filters, and forget the positives each individual has to bring to the team. It is these strengths which are most likely being lost in the middle of all the tension and bickering. Make a note to yourself you will remind the individuals of these strengths, and how you’d really like to focus on how these can be utilised for the benefit of everyone.

Managing Tip 4: The conversation and the importance of listening.

So now you’re ready for the conversations. You’re clear about what you want to achieve, and you’ve considered your approach. Remain approachable, but honest and firm about your expectations throughout. Stay calm, even if they don’t.

Most of all, don’t make this a one-way conversation.

Explain the issue which gives you concern, then listen. If there is a need to vent a little – let them vent; at least for a while. Then, gently, but firmly get them to future focus and suggest ways in which you can all move forward constructively.

It’s worth knowing, conflict, whilst often seen as something negative and to be avoided at all costs, can actually bring about positive change, better mutual understanding and greater harmony, if it is dealt with effectively.

So take the bull by the horns – and sort it out!

Previous Post: Managing Your Boss

How to Successfully Manage Your Boss – And Increase Your Chances of Promotion

Two critical skills, which the highest performing managers have in spades, are the ability to influence and persuade. The most obvious targets for your powers of persuasion are your team, and sometimes your peers in different departments; but just as you need to manage down or sideways, it’s also critical you know how to manage upwards.
To help you make the right impression, here are four simple rules to remember, which will move you in the right direction.

1. Find out what the expectations are – and exceed them.

Sounds obvious and simple – yet in my experience it’s neither! Try to answer the following questions

• Do you actually know what your manager’s top priorities are?
• How clear are you about the order of priority your manager has for each area of your performance?
• How clear do you think your manager is about his/her expectations of you?

Sometimes expectations are written – but more often than not, they are unwritten expectations, which your boss may never have really clearly articulated to themselves, let alone you!
Put it this way – if you don’t know for sure what will score you top points with this individual, you may find yourself chasing down the wrong rabbit hole.

And this is NOT about currying favour, or ingratiating yourself. This is about having a clear understanding on both sides about what is important, so you both know and agree where you should focus most of your time and attention. It actually makes your job easier.

So – if you don’t know the answers to the questions above – make a date in your diary to discuss this with your boss! (And before you actually have that meeting, make sure you read technique 4!)

2. Anticipate and address a boss’ concerns

The trick here is a technique from what we call Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and is about being able to see the different “perceptual positions” around an issue. Put simply this means seeing something through someone else’s eyes, so you understand their thoughts, feelings, worries and perspectives. This is more than just being good with soft skill training.

An obvious way is to ask them! And we’d definitely encourage you to fnd the right opportunities to do just that. However, sometimes there’s neither time, nor is it appropriate. So what do you do then? You put yourself in their shoes. And when we say in their shoes – we mean wearing their shoes and looking through their eyes! This is not how you would feel in their shoes. You’re not them!

So, this is easier said than done. But here’s a few killer questions to ask yourself:

• What will my boss be anxious about?
• What do his bosses expect of him?
• How does what I do to help him/her look good?
• If I/we do “x”, what might he/she be concerned about?

By answering these questions you’ll be much clearer about what you need to do to both pre-empt and address their concerns. It also significantly increases their perception you really understand where they are coming from, which in turn significantly strengthens the trust and relationship between you.

3. Consistently look for ways to add value.

This is a really simple rule. Bosses are more likely to listen if you speak in “can-do” language, and you are organised, and sound enthusiastic and eager to deliver results.
Look ahead when discussing a project, rather than dwelling on what’s already occurred.

Follow through on promises. And adopt a “no-excuses” policy. Failing to produce results almost guarantees a boss will doubt your abilities. So, if you haven’t quite achieved what you set out to do – rather than saying what you’ve not been able to do, start with what you have achieved; be specific about what barriers there were, and summarise your plans to get back on track.

Your boss has pressures of his own. Don’t add to them.

4. Know your style – and know their style; and adapt your behaviour to suit their preferences.

A great analogy from relationship expert Shay McConnon is that of the “hot chilli trap”. What is this? It’s when someone assumes that, because they love hot chilli, everyone else does too! Patently, some people do not like hot chilli!

If you’re in a foreign country you at least attempt to learn “please” and “thank you” in their language and show respect for their customs. It’s just courtesy. You adapt your own behaviour to show respect for the differences of perception.

To assume, because we speak the same language, we see things in the same way – is quite clearly erroneous, yet we still persist in believing the mantra “treat others as you’d like to be treated.”

Absolutely not! Treat others as they would like to be treated.
So what does this mean for you in your relationship with your boss? It means the more you get to understand their style and preferences, and tweak your style to match, the more likely they are to warm towards you. If you lean towards an eye for detail and precision, but your boss just wants the big picture – give it that way. What is their biggest strength? Capitalise on it. What is their central goal? How can you assist? If they are extroverts who like to talk through ideas, provide that opportunity. If they are introverts who like to be able to read through something, and ponder it first, present your proposals in a way which will help them assimilate the information and ask questions.

Respect how they like to be treated.

And what if they don’t show the same respect for you? Well, that is a subject for another article!

Why Managers with Great Soft Skills are Essential in Hard Times

We are in a “credit crunch”. Times are hard. It isn’t the first time; and it won’t be the last.

People tighten their belts and do their best to weather the storm, and businesses focus an even more critical eye on their spending. Often, one of the first things to come under scrutiny is soft skill training and development, and decisions are made to put anything other than “essential” training on hold. “Soft skills management”, (also referred to as “people skills” or “interpersonal communication skill”) is often seen as the “fluffy bunny” stuff of development, and as a result is the first to be dropped. But how effective is this strategy in reality? Is motivational humor enough to motivate employees?

This article exposes some common “myths” around soft skills and explains why, in the scramble to reduce our spending, going for the “obvious” targets may not be as effective a strategy as you think.

Soft Skill Training Definition

Why do we call “soft skills” by that name, and what does it conjure up for you exactly? What images or words do you associate with this frequently used term?

For me it conjures up some kind of “fluffy bunny”, soft, gentle, rather vague term, designed to encompass abilities which are not so easily measured, and certainly less tangible than, let’s say your ability to rewire a home, use power-point, or know your products inside out. There’s something almost apologetic about “soft skills management” too; after all these are also often referred to as “people skills” or “interpersonal communication skill” – and we’re all, well, people aren’t we? That being the case, these “skills” will be an innate part of our being already, so there’s no real need to spend much resource on developing them.

Soft Skill Training: Issues which arise when soft skills are missing

Over many years, working 1-2-1 or in workshops with managers and teams I am struck by how often the following issues come up:

• The team just don’t pull together.
• There are 1 or 2 individuals who are extremely difficult to manage or work alongside, and this creates tension in the team.
• Communication, either internally, or externally with clients or customers, is poor.
• One or two individuals are underperforming, either taking many absences, not completing work on time, or resisting doing certain parts of their role, and others are getting fed up of having to “carry them.”
• Changes in the wider organisation are affecting morale.
• Team members feeling there’s a lack of leadership, of fairness, of support or development, or of valuing what they do – with the result they just “do what they need to, to keep out of trouble” They’re not passionate or enthusiastic about their work – this is “just a job” which pays the bills.

Credit crunch or not – if you think these VERY common symptoms aren’t damaging your bottom line – think again! I bet I could find at least some of these in your business right now!
And these symptoms are caused, not because you haven’t given these people the training they need to do their job – they are the result of less than effective people skills!

The Role of the Manager

The dynamics of the working relationships in a team can make the difference between hitting, or missing your targets – between profit and loss – between survival in a credit crunch and real difficulties.

And the central figure in that dynamic, the individual who can make or break the team’s ability to function, is the manager.

A quick look at some figures, for those of you who really like to see the hard facts!

Gallup research looked at a retailer with over 30,000 employees and over 300 stores. This retailer took great care to ensure each store provided the customer with a consistent shopping experience, whichever store they visited. Using 12 questions which asked workers to rate how they felt about their role, then looking at the answers and the actual results in that store or team within a store, what they found was astonishing, and significant.

They found, that where employees scored more highly in terms of their satisfaction with the “culture” in the team, the hard line sales figures were significantly, and consistently better than those stores where the cultures were hindered by things such as lack of trust, poor morale and little enthusiasm. They found the highest scoring stores were on average:

• 4.56% over sales budget for the year.
  This translated into $104 million of sales
  If the company could transform the poorer stores, this would increase their total sales by 2.6%
• 14% over profit budget
  The bottom stores missed their profit goals by a full 30%
• Retaining staff by an average of 12 staff more per year than their counterparts in the bottom 25% of the survey
  This translated into the top stores retaining 1000 more staff over the year.
  Estimating the average store employee salary, and the cost of finding, hiring and training the new employees, the overall cost to the company was $27million.
  How would you like to shave some of that “cost” off your bottom line?

So – next time you’re thinking of cutting your training budget to strip out the “nice to have” things like “soft skills training” – perhaps you might think again?
Even if you scale down such training for everyone, finding a way to ensure your managers are highly skilled people managers is one of the most worthwhile investments you will EVER make.