How do I give constructive feedback without de-motivating someone?

Posted by shonagarner on Thursday, April 15, 2010 · 1 Comment

How do I give constructive feedback without de-motivating someone?

I get a number of common questions asked of me as I work with managers in all sorts of businesses, and one of the most frequent questions I get asked is: “How do I criticise someone’s performance without de-motivating them or harming the relationship I have with them?”

Whether you have been managing for 6 days, 6 months or 16 years this may still be something you shy away from, feel uncomfortable about, or hate doing. In the category of “tricky conversations” this is, undoubtedly, in the top ten!

And yet, in terms of performance management, and striving for excellence, it is probably the single most important thing you need to do. If it is so critical – it follows we need to be skilled at doing it!

There is a common saying in the world of sport which I’m sure you’ve heard: “Feedback is the breakfast of champions”.

Any sportsman or woman serious about doing well in their chosen field learns from the outset, that they need regular and open feedback if they are to improve their performance. As a result, there are three key things that occur which, I believe, set the scene for more effective performance management:

The individual actively solicits and expects feedback about their performance.
The individual takes ownership of, and responsibility for their performance and what they do to improve it.
3. The culture is one which demonstrates on a daily basis the importance and value of feedback, which values and seeks talent, and which proactively supports and encourages every individual to maximise their talent.

If you’ve attended my workshops or followed my articles for any time, you’ll know how important I believe open and honest feedback is in any organisation. You will have heard me talk of the power of praise, (perhaps the best feedback ever!) and the concept of building a culture where people feel supported, encouraged, and valued.

Before I say anything more, let me say this one thing about culture, because, for me, this is absolutely vital to successful performance management:

You can learn some key skills about giving and receiving feedback, but if your culture is one built on mistrust, on discomfort about receiving feedback and on focusing more on negative, than positive feedback, you have an uphill struggle on your hands, and you will never quite reach the excellence in performance you are seeking.

A key part of a dynamic, and truly learning culture is one where people at all levels not only feel comfortable giving and receiving feedback, they actively solicit it. They are people on a mission; they want to do well, and they want to improve.

GIVING FEEDBACK IS OFTEN ASSOCIATED WITH UNCOMFORTABLE FEELINGS

The problem is, in many organisations today, often the only time we give feedback is when something is not going well.

We cannot therefore, blame our people for coming to associate feedback with uncomfortable feelings. As the manager, or individual who is giving the feedback, you too will associate feedback more with a negative experience than a positive one. So there you have it – two people, coming to a situation neither of them likes; both of them feel uncomfortable about and probably wanting it over as quickly as possible!

Hardly helpful!

HOW GOOD ARE WE AT GIVING POSITIVE FEEDBACK?

We’re sometimes not very good at giving positive feedback either. A “well-done,” or “good work”, might seem to be praise to you, but giving feedback of any sort requires some thought, some clarity, and, most of all, some sincerity and desire to genuinely support another individual to improve their performance.

OUTSTANDING MANAGERS BUILD “FEEDBACK CULTURES”

Outstanding managers build cultures where their people relish and actively seek feedback, and where feedback is used to strengthen relationships and develop excellent performance. In next month’s article I’ll give you some tips on how you can start to build such a culture, but for now, let’s concentrate on how to give feedback in the most effective, and motivating way – whether it’s positive or negative.

5 STEPS TO GIVING EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK

Positive feedback

Negative feedback

Give the context – be specific about what you’re going to talk about.
Explain specifically what went well.
Try to raise one or two very specific things which made this so good.
Explain the impact it had
This is a critical part of the process. You are making it clear what the benefits are to you, the team, the wider organisation.
Focus on their identity and skills
You are building a sense of self-esteem and self-confidence here by linking what they are doing with their sense of who they are.
Congratulate, reinforce – allow room for a response
And a simple, but genuine “thank you” can leave someone feeling like the cat who got the cream!

Give the context – what are you going to talk about?
Explain specifically and objectively what went wrong . Stick to the facts. Avoid emotional language.
Explain the impact it had
Often, a key learning can be through a greater understanding of how our actions might be negatively affecting others. This is a crucial step.
Reinforce their identity and skills
Whilst this specific issue is about underperformance, remind them of the things you do value and which are great.
Seek solutions.
Avoid telling someone what you think they should do next. Instead discuss possible actions for future improvements and encourage them to suggest an action plan.

What you may well notice in this model is how similar the framework is, whether you’re giving positive or negative feedback.

Leave out any one of those steps, and you risk reducing the effectiveness and the power of your communication.

If you need to give feedback with one of your staff in the next few days, plan your approach and what you want to say around those 5 steps; give some thought to how they might be feeling, how they might react and consider when and how you approach them for best impact. At first, you’ll need to practise; you might want to make some notes and consider the language you use – but I promise you, the more you do this, the easier it gets!

And if you get into the habit of using the model for praise on a regular basis, you and your staff might even start to feel a little more comfortable about the whole issue of feedback! We’ll discuss how you can build a great feedback culture next month.

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For more information to help you with the people side of management,
including how to improve employee motivation and get the best out of your team, take a look at these great resources: