How do I give constructive feedback without de-motivating someone?

How do I give constructive feedback without de-motivating someone?

I get a number of common questions asked of me as I work with managers in all sorts of businesses, and one of the most frequent questions I get asked is: “How do I criticise someone’s performance without de-motivating them or harming the relationship I have with them?”

Whether you have been managing for 6 days, 6 months or 16 years this may still be something you shy away from, feel uncomfortable about, or hate doing. In the category of “tricky conversations” this is, undoubtedly, in the top ten!

And yet, in terms of performance management, and striving for excellence, it is probably the single most important thing you need to do. If it is so critical – it follows we need to be skilled at doing it!

There is a common saying in the world of sport which I’m sure you’ve heard: “Feedback is the breakfast of champions”.

Any sportsman or woman serious about doing well in their chosen field learns from the outset, that they need regular and open feedback if they are to improve their performance. As a result, there are three key things that occur which, I believe, set the scene for more effective performance management:

1. The individual actively solicits and expects feedback about their performance.
2. The individual takes ownership of, and responsibility for their performance and what they do to improve it.
3. 3. The culture is one which demonstrates on a daily basis the importance and value of feedback, which values and seeks talent, and which proactively supports and encourages every individual to maximise their talent.

If you’ve attended my workshops or followed my articles for any time, you’ll know how important I believe open and honest feedback is in any organisation. You will have heard me talk of the power of praise, (perhaps the best feedback ever!) and the concept of building a culture where people feel supported, encouraged, and valued.

Before I say anything more, let me say this one thing about culture, because, for me, this is absolutely vital to successful performance management:

You can learn some key skills about giving and receiving feedback, but if your culture is one built on mistrust, on discomfort about receiving feedback and on focusing more on negative, than positive feedback, you have an uphill struggle on your hands, and you will never quite reach the excellence in performance you are seeking.

A key part of a dynamic, and truly learning culture is one where people at all levels not only feel comfortable giving and receiving feedback, they actively solicit it. They are people on a mission; they want to do well, and they want to improve.

GIVING FEEDBACK IS OFTEN ASSOCIATED WITH UNCOMFORTABLE FEELINGS

The problem is, in many organisations today, often the only time we give feedback is when something is not going well.

We cannot therefore, blame our people for coming to associate feedback with uncomfortable feelings. As the manager, or individual who is giving the feedback, you too will associate feedback more with a negative experience than a positive one. So there you have it – two people, coming to a situation neither of them likes; both of them feel uncomfortable about and probably wanting it over as quickly as possible!

Hardly helpful!

HOW GOOD ARE WE AT GIVING POSITIVE FEEDBACK?

We’re sometimes not very good at giving positive feedback either. A “well-done,”  or “good work”, might seem to be praise to you, but giving feedback of any sort requires some thought, some clarity, and, most of all, some sincerity and desire to genuinely support another individual to improve their performance.

OUTSTANDING MANAGERS BUILD “FEEDBACK CULTURES”

Outstanding managers build cultures where their people relish and actively seek feedback, and where feedback is used to strengthen relationships and develop excellent performance. In next month’s article I’ll give you some tips on how you can start to build such a culture, but for now, let’s concentrate on how to give feedback  in the most effective, and motivating  way – whether it’s positive or negative.

5 STEPS TO GIVING EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK

Positive feedback

Negative feedback

Give the context – be specific about what you’re going to talk about. Explain specifically what went well. Try to raise one or two very specific things which made this so good. Explain the impact it had This is a critical part of the process. You are making it clear what the benefits are to you, the team, the wider organisation. Focus on their identity and skills You are building a sense of self-esteem and self-confidence here by linking what they are doing with their sense of who they are. Congratulate, reinforce – allow room for a response And a simple, but genuine “thank you” can leave someone feeling like the cat who got the cream!

Give the context – what are you going to talk about? Explain specifically and objectively what went wrong . Stick to the facts. Avoid emotional language. Explain the impact it had Often, a key learning can be through a greater understanding of how our actions might be negatively affecting others. This is a crucial step. Reinforce their identity and skills Whilst this specific issue is about underperformance, remind them of the things you do value and which are great. Seek solutions. Avoid telling someone what you think they should do next. Instead discuss possible actions for future improvements and encourage them to suggest an action plan.

What you may well notice in this model is how similar the framework is, whether you’re giving positive or negative feedback.

Leave out any one of those steps, and you risk reducing the effectiveness and the power of your communication.

If you need to give feedback with one of your staff  in the next few days, plan your approach and what you want to say around those 5 steps; give some thought to how they might be feeling,  how they might react and consider when and how you approach them for best impact. At first, you’ll need to practise; you might want to make some notes and consider the language you use – but I promise you, the more you do this, the easier it gets!

And if you get into the habit of using the model for praise on a regular basis, you and your staff might even start to feel a little more comfortable about the whole  issue of feedback! We’ll discuss how you can build a great feedback culture next month.

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For more information to help you with the people side of management,
including how to improve employee motivation and get the best out of your team, take a look at these great resources:

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Setting your vision as a manager – a video you might like

As a manager, what kind of vision do you have for the way things are in your team/workplace?

How clear are you about the kinds of behaviours you want to see - and those you don't? How clear are those you work with about what the values and beliefs are in your workplace? When they go home, or they talk about their workplace - what do they say?

More importantly, will they say what you want them to say?

For those who work with me, or who come to my "How to be an Outstanding Manager" programme, you'll know I believe one fo the first things ANY manager needs to do is to get clear about your expectations for your team.

I call it the "How we do things around here" conversation.

Read more

Five Key Mistakes Which Can Kill Motivation, Morale And Engagement

What is morale like in your organisation?

What is morale like in your team?

And if an organisation is facing a lot of tough challenges, restructuring, or jobs are under pressure, is it possible to maintain strong morale despite the situation?

Whilst the tone for the type of place you work in has to be set at the very top, it’s the job of the managers to implement day in, day out. They’re the “front line”; their behaviours and expectations will set the standards for how people feel and respond to all sorts of situations.

Can a manager improve morale regardless of circumstances?

Yes. I believe they can.

Being a manager is always a challenge. Managing the people bit is always tricky, but maintaining morale, engagement and motivation is a critical part of any manager’s role.

Even in good times a manager needs to maintain engagement and minimise complacency. When business is slow, or there’s lots of internal change and pressure, a manager needs to know how to respond and work with their team in such a way as to keep people on board.

Whatever the strategy for the team or organisation ....

A manager has to win hearts and minds if he or she wants to see their team perform at their best.

But building such high performing teams doesn’t happen accidentally.

It is the result of behaviours, values and beliefs which underpin the way people work together. Sometimes these values or beliefs are unspoken, sometimes they operate at an almost sub-conscious level: but they are still affecting the attitudes, behaviours and performance of every single individual within the team and wider organisation.

It’s up to the manager to communicate “How we do things around here”.

Sometimes, however, despite the best of intentions, despite setting and clearly communicating the expectations and vision for how people work together, some things sabotage the results.  Take a look at the following and see if any of these apply to you or your organisation.

FIVE COMMON “KILLERS” OF MORALE

1. INCONGRUENT ACTIONS
   When the boss does or says one thing – then turns around and does or reinforces the opposite, employees are quick to see the inconsistencies. The more your staff see this happen, the more they lose respect for and trust in the individual manager or the  wider organisation.
   High trust environments are built on consistent and congruent actions.
   Erosion of trust dampens morale and creates negative emotions inconsistent with high productivity.

2. NO ACTION
   Another common failing is leaders who “talk a good talk” – that is they state grand visions, plaster values and belief statements everywhere – but then take little or no action to ensure these grand statements are actually followed through.
   It is hard to expect your staff to take vision statements seriously when staff see that nothing actually happens. They can be forgiven for thinking “we’ve heard this all before”, or “here goes yet another meaningless initiative.”
   Managers must act on their vision – and they must act in a reasonable time frame.

3. OVER-COMPLICATING THE VISION
   Sometimes leaders state visions so complicated people can barely read them – let alone remember them.
   If people can’t remember the vision, chances are it isn’t simple enough.

4. LOST IN DETAIL
   Some managers are so detail oriented that they simply find it hard to understand the idea of vision. They are consumed by detail, and give little attention to thinking about tomorrow and the “big picture” in a creative way.
   It’s not that details aren’t important, but they should not be the sole focus.

5. SABOTAGING THE VISION
   Sometimes, some people within the organisation try to sabotage the vision. They understand it, but try to work in the opposite direction. Other people know they are doing this; and they expect the leadership does too. If nothing is done to stop these efforts then those who are genuinely trying to adhere to the vision end up thinking, “What’s the use?”
   Managers must act swiftly when they see this happening.  And it begins, not with a reprimand, but with a  question – to understand why people are behaving in this way.

Do any of these exist in your team or your organisation?

By taking time to uncover some of these “morale killers”, and taking steps to change things, a manager can improve morale – at least within his or her own team, and sometimes, even despite morale issues in the wider organisation.

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For more information to help you with the people side of management,
including how to improve employee motivation and get the best out of your team, take a look at these great resources:

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND LEADERSHIP – PART TWO

Important Management Skills – The Skill of Self-Control

Emotional Intelligence skill number 2: Self control.

There is a well-known proverb: act in haste, repent at leisure.

We all do it sometimes: when we are under pressure we can often feel frustrated, upset, annoyed or some other such negative emotion.  As a result, we may say or do things in a way which have a negative impact on others. The problem with this of course, is it can begin a chain reaction of negativity which is more than likely going to take time and effort to put right, and which may damage style workplace motivation and performance.

Have you ever experienced this with someone at work? Here’s an example.

Scenario 1: The Knee-jerk reaction

One of your staff, whom you do find difficult to get on with at the best of times, has been late for work four times already this month – and you’ve already spoken to them once about it, (quite reasonably in your opinion). They arrive late again today – and you make some abrupt, rather sarcastic comment in front of three other staff.

You’re feeling?  Frustration.

Your response? Sarcasm.

Their response?  Defensive – maybe anger. (Even if they’re in the wrong – they’re feeling stung you’re criticising them in front of others)

Does your reaction solve anything? Doubtful.

Scenario 2: Over-controlling your feelings

Imagine this time, in this same scenario, rather than vent your frustration at the repeated poor timing, you don’t say anything at all because you feel uncomfortable about tackling this. You might make a mental note you’ll tackle it later, but often “later” never comes because there never seems to be an appropriate moment, because it’s “hassle” or because you are worried it might make matters worse. Instead, you might raise it 3 months later in a formal appraisal review. This is probably the most unhelpful response you could have chosen!

The problem is, if you don’t actually communicate your feelings in a constructive way to others,

1. The unwanted behaviour is unlikely to change
2. Others in the team perceive it is “OK” to behave in that way.
3. Others perceive you as “weak” and unfair: they see someone flouting “the rules” and you doing nothing about it.
4. Your confidence is weakened to tackle other “uncomfortable” issues.

The skill is to recognise your emotions, and find a way of communicating with the other person, in a way which retains respect and good will, yet makes your feelings and your expectations crystal clear.

Emotional intelligence requires you do not lose sight of your goal, at the expense of emotions.

In the scenario outlined above, your goal is to restore good time-keeping and maintain motivation in employees.

Five tips to help you develop your emotional intelligence muscle:

1. If you’re about to turn into an exocet missile – keep off the trigger! Put some time between you and the incident.(It’s no coincidence you read articles about counting to ten to calm yourself down. This is based in sound human physiology – our brain processes emotional responses first, and rational thinking second. Giving yourself a little space between your knee-jerk reaction and your final action, allows you to choose your response a little more wisely.)
2. How do you feel about dealing with tricky situations? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Do you fear being firm or disagreeing with someone might result in people not liking you? Do you back off to avoid hassle?Using emotional intelligence skill number one, that of self-awareness, begin to examinehow your own feelings of worry and discomfort interfere with achieving your goals, and ask yourself if these emotions are serving you or hindering you from achieving your aim.
3. Focus on the outcome you want. Get as clear as you can about the ideal resolution. If you are clear what you want, you’ll feel more confident and it helps you decide how to express it.One key tip here. Don’t just decide what you want, but decide how you want the other person to feel at the end of the discussion too. So, with the “late” scenario – yes, you want the individual to improve their time-keeping, but you also want to keep them on-side and motivated. Whatever tactics you choose, think about how you can achieve both.
4. Try the “fake it till you make it” method! Presumably, you want to appear calm, unruffled and supportive?Think of a time when you do feel these things. What does that look like? How do you talk? Hold yourself? Breathe?Think of the non-verbal cues you give out when you are calm. Practise adopting these behaviours the next time you feel mildly irritated.
5. Keep practising the skill of self control. Emotional intelligence can be learned, but as with any other skill, it requires practice and consistency.Think of it as a muscle: in the same way you build muscle through repetition, you can build emotional muscle and resilience through controlling your emotions. If you’ve had a tendency to “fly off the handle”, or to avoid what you see as “confrontation” for the last 20 years, don’t expect that habit to change overnight.However, practising flexing this “emotional muscle” will not only pay dividends in terms of improving working relationships with your staff and colleagues, studies are now showing that if we build discipline in one area of our lives, it spills out into other areas too.So, not only will your team performance improve, you could find yourself losing weight, or stopping smoking or handling your awkward teenager more effectively as an added bonus! Your confidence will also soar.

Remember, your worst enemy in frustrating situations is your own quick reaction.

The first thing you need to do when dealing with a difficult person or situation is not to control the behaviour of the other person(s), but to control your own!

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For more information to help you with the people side of management,
including how to improve employee motivation and get the best out of your team, take a look at these great resources:

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