Conflict Management Skills: How Managers Can Reduce Gossip, Politics, Blame and Moaning in Their Team

Do you ever think if your staff put even half the same energy into more productive and focused discussion and behaviour you’d be getting a darned sight better results?

Do you think it’s naive to imagine a team where these behaviours and attitudes didn’t exist?

Do you know some teams/managers or organisations where they do seem to have great working relationships, but you put that down to “luck” – they’ve just got “good people”?

Do you wish you knew how to deal with this more effectively?

Managing Employee Conflict

One thing’s for sure: if you experience this in your team, you’ll certainly be aware how time- consuming, frustrating, and energy draining these behaviours and attitudes are; and you’ll certainly realise they’re eating away at productivity, performance and the overall results you demonstrate.

But when you’re short on time and unsure how to tackle the issue, what do you do?

First, you need to know, running an occasional team building day, reading managing conflict articles or attending a course on communication is helpful in resolving workplace conflict – but it’s highly unlikely to produce lasting change. In some cases, I’ve seen such a strategy be a monumental, extremely expensive, flop. At a time when every penny counts, wouldn’t it be more sensible to consider more effective and lasting ways of dealing with the root causes of poor team dynamics and under-performance?

Second, you need to stop thinking that changing attitudes and behaviours is all your responsibility. You have to take the lead – that’s for sure. There is still much truth in the adage, “it starts at the top”. So start by getting really clear about the attitudes and behaviours you want to see more of in your team. Culture, at its simplest, is really just about “the way we do things around here”. As the manager, how do you want things done around here? What kind of attitudes and behaviours do you want to foster and encourage to show effective workplace leadership, and which would you want to discourage?

When asked, most managers I work with are quite clear about what they want – or at the very least what they don’t want! There’s often talk of having staff who have more of a “can do” attitude; who are committed; who try to focus on solutions instead of problems; who don’t waste time on the “moan” or “blame” roundabout, and who don’t play the negative work games of politics and gossip.

The problem is, whilst they know what they want, when it comes down to how to achieve this goal things get a little hazy!
As a coach, I know that achieving any goal is about taking consistent and regular steps which move you nearer to your ideal.
Ad-hoc, just doesn’t cut it. Especially if the goal is quite challenging.
And the onus for making all the changes in workplace motivation is not just the responsibility of the manager either!

The most successful, outstanding managers, expect, and successfully encourage their staff to take some responsibility for workplace conflict resolution. They encourage staff to take ownership for making “the way we do things around here” good for everyone.

It’s a bit like a sports coach – you can mentor, train and encourage others – but you can’t do their press-ups for them! At some point, they have to take ownership. Outstanding managers build cultures where such accountability is the norm.

So, effective team building means you need to communicate clear messages about the attitudes and behaviours you expect in your team, but then this must be supported through implementing strategies and tactics which make it easy for your people to engage in an interpersonal workplace, to discuss and to grow their own interpersonal skills.

And these strategies and tactics need to become a regular feature of “the way you do things around here”.

3 Conflict Management Skills which Will Make A Positive Difference to your Team

1. In resolving workplace conflict, set up a simple and “safe” feedback mechanism which allows people to express their views.

   In my experience with conflict resolution management, people want to be heard more than they may necessarily expect to get what they want. Moaning, back-biting and gossip grows when there’s no other outlet to express dissatisfaction or concern.

   The simplest, and least threatening process for gaining feedback is through a staff survey. Now there are staff surveys, and there are staff surveys! In the same way that 360 feedback can be done well or badly, the same is true of staff surveys. It needs to be simple, anonymous, and give you the results in real time – not months later when everyone has forgotten all about it. Most importantly, it should form the basis for measuring just where you are now in terms of working relationships, and what might need tweaking; and for everyone to see the results don’t go into a black hole, but actually form the basis for actions to improve things.

   Even if your staff are cynical at first, let them see this is not some token activity, but a genuine intention to improve the way things are for everyone. With commitment and consistency of message, you’ll start to see real shifts in attitudes and behaviours, and the atmosphere will be far more open and upbeat.

2. To manage employee conflict, review what’s working well, and where the team feel they could work better – then set some individual and team goals.

   This doesn’t have to be onerous. In fact, it’s better when it’s fun, short and sharp, and goal centred. Thirty minutes in a team meeting, or 15 minutes as part of a learning lunch, done regularly, which build momentum, structure and a sense of direction to what you’re doing.

   Once some goals have been set, agree when you’ll review these – and then stick to it!

3. Re-assess and measure progress on a regular basis.

   Build a regular review into your year. At the very least, you should re-do the staff survey twice a year. People should see this as an important part of the culture; not some token activity done for appearances sake, but something which genuinely offers a vehicle for developing stronger working relationships and honing communication and people skills.

   And make sure you celebrate progress. You may not change a rather negative culture overnight – in fact it’s highly unlikely! However, if teams are reporting less back-biting, less conflict or tension, and people feel a more positive atmosphere, you’re on the right track.

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For more information to help you with the people side of management,
including how to improve employee motivation and get the best out of your team, take a look at these great resources:

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Conflict Resolution Management: Can A Manager Create A Motivated, Conflict-free Team?

Two of the Most Common Challenges in Conflict Resolution Management

• How do I motivate my staff to want to do more?
• How do I prevent in-fighting and tension, so I’ve got more time to focus on getting the job done?

I find managers often talk of feeling frustrated or uncertain about how to deal with conflict or apathy and underperfomance on their team. As a coach and when I do employee coaching, it saddens me, quite frequently, that I’m brought in to coach someone where tension, conflict and disengagement have already reached quite serious levels, and are negatively impacting individual or wider team performance.

It’s such a shame – and on many occasions, (if not all), it could actually have been avoided.
How?

First of all, you need to understand what happens when conflict and tension occurs. Take a look at the following conflict management chart:

BAD FEELING = UNMET NEED

When people aren't finding their needs are met in the workplace it leads to them feeling bad. It could be they're frustrated in their role; it could be they're struggling to cope with pressure; it could be they have some good ideas but no-one listens. Hundreds of causes - one result: unhappy. So, they

This is all too often by the water cooler, or in the canteen, and rarely is the moan directed at the person it needs to be directed to! Assuming the manager notices what's going on, effectively defusing the situation would be helpful here - but there may be a tendency to ignore or avoid dealing with the situation at this stage in the hope it will go away.

Apathy is probably already setting in.

If there is no opportunity to communicate and the problem continues then this is likely to lead to more overt....

CRITICISM

Now staff are more open in their criticism and possibly a little more hostile in their manner. The possibility of comments being made which cause annoyance or anger increase, leading to the...

ROW

Always harder to handle, shifting focus from what's really important, and taking up time you don't have, trying to deal with the fall-out.

And now performance has really dropped - with potential ripple effects to others on your staff too. You're a manager fighting fires with a danger it may lead to...

DISPUTE

Which can lead to

STRIKE/GRIEVANCE PROCEDURE

Which can ultimately lead to

RESIGNATION

Recognise the pattern?

Clearly, the further down the line, the more performance drops, and the harder it becomes to deal with the problem.
Two of the most common responses I see to repair relationships and re-motivate staff are some ad-hoc attempts at team building and one to one communication with individual members of staff as and when the manager has the time.

But such responses, although well-meaning, have little lasting impact and in my experience simply “tinker round the edges” of the problem.

The number one mistake a manager can make?
Burying their head in the sand and only intervene lower down the line – when it’s already at the criticism stage or beyond.

By then, of course, it’s more tricky to deal with, and you’re into “fighting fires” mode.

Conflict Resolution Management: A Closer Look for Answers

Have a system in place which supports and encourages open feedback and communication, as well as tools and resources to more effectively develop staff.

Here are three suggestions which can help make conflict management a win win scenario and begin to create a “can-do” culture instead of a “moaning” culture.

1. Ensure you know your staff. Familiary does NOT breed contempt; it breeds understanding. The more you know your staff, the more you’ll pick up early warning signs of unrest or disengagement.Research shows the highest performing managers don’t actually spend masses of time with each individual member of staff. Most spend no more than around 2 hours over the year, but this is spread out in regular one to one catch ups and is totally informal and separate from meetings scheduled for appraisals or other more formal activities.

These managers know their staff; what motivates them, what frustrates them. They listen, give praise regularly, and seek opportunities to both give and receive feedback.

In return for this small investment of time and genuine interest, they build a positive “relationship bank account” with each individual, which means there is less chance of tensions escalating or apathy setting in.

2. Nip “moans” in the bud. As a manager, you need to have your radar up for signs of unrest. If you’ve put tip one into action, you’ll get the “heads up” about problems early on anyhow. Deal with them immediately – and wherever possible, encourage staff to not just bring their problem to you, but be willing to suggest possible solutions themselves, instead of expecting you to always sort it out. And don’t worry that you always need to find an answer; or that you may not be able to solve every “moan”.

In my experience, people want to be heard, more than they want the problem resolved. Often, they know you might not be able to do anything about it, but the fact that you’ve acknowledged their issue, and genuinely listened will defuse the escalation of criticism, and if they see that, where possible you do take action, they’ll accept that sometimes, you can’t wave a magic wand!

3. Set up processes and systems to encourage open communication. Ad hoc is no good. Developing strong relationship bank accounts with your staff takes diligence and consistency.

Conflict Resolution Management does not require masses of time – but is more about the way you do things, and setting up processes to support this.
Consider annonymous staff surveys; regular informal one to one meetings; including specific communication skills training on team building days; (particularly those of giving and receiving feedback and conflict handling) and think about how you and your team can better understand and support the differing strengths, talents and motivational drivers of each individual for better team performance.

As the diagram shows, effective managers consider what they need to have in place to work right at the top of the model. The time, energy and money they will save by doing so are well worth the initial effort of putting these processes in place.

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For more information to help you with the people side of management,
including how to improve employee motivation and get the best out of your team, take a look at these great resources:

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Managing Conflict: How to Manage In-Fighting or Tension In Your Team

I hear managers raise this issue time and time again; what begins as an underlying tension between two or more of your team members, with covert “sniper” tactics, strained atmospheres, gossip mongering and occasional snide comments is turning into more open hostilities.

Your team risks splitting as people “take sides”, and you begin to realise your staff are spending increasingly more time focused on the mini battle playing out in your back yard, than on the key tasks they should be performing, which will drive their and your success.

If you want to stop the soap opera from unfolding in front of your eyes, Executive and Business Coach Shona Garner has some key tips to halt the rot, and turn around the whole dynamic of your team into a vibrant, positive and focused community.

Four Effective Tips for Managing Conflict

Managing Tip 1: Don’t play the ostrich.

Sometimes it’s tempting to ignore the rumblings of personality clashes in the hope it will resolve itself. You might be right – but if you sense the tension is getting worse, or it’s been going on for longer than a few weeks, avoiding or ignoring the issue can be devastating; both in terms of your team’s performance, and your own credibility as a manager.
Ask yourself, “What will be the consequence if I continue to avoid the issue?”

My bet is the answer to this question includes such things as:
The tension will increase and become more noticeable – not just within the team, but to those outside too.
Your authority and ability to manage may be questioned; by those team members who are not involved in the “in-fighting”, by other colleagues, and by your line-manager.
You’ll waste precious time when you could be getting on with the important stuff.
There’ll be increasing “talking behind backs” and gossiping.
There’s a risk it may really escalate into disciplinary or grievance procedures. This is a drain on everyone’s emotions, time and energy – not to mention suddenly becoming a huge negative focus for everyone.
With eyes off the ball, the team performance slips – and your chances of promotion are threatened.

Take your head out of the sand, decide what you really expect in terms of behaviour from your team, and start planning and preparing your strategy to face the issue head on.

Managing Tip 2: Ask yourself: “Why am I avoiding this? What am I afraid of?”

Very few people really feel comfortable facing conflict – so if you have been hoping it will go away, you’re almost certainly not on your own. However, you chose this kitchen – and the “heat” in this particular kitchen quite regularly involves playing politics and dealing with personality clashes, power struggles, and prima donnas!

Those above you expect you to deal with such issues. And you owe it those on your team who just want to get on with their jobs, and who want to distance themselves from this petty squabbling, to strive for a work environment which is enjoyable and supportive, not divisive and uncomfortable.

So – what stops you from nipping this in the bud, or tackling the situation? Be honest with yourself. Whatever your answer, ask yourself how you can overcome this block. Talk it over with someone you trust.

Managing Tip 3: Plan your approach

Once you’ve decided you’re going to bite the bullet, now’s the time to make your plan of action.

• Get clear in your own head about what you believe is acceptable behaviour and what’s not, and be prepared to communicate this to your team.
• Think about when, where and how you have your initial conversation with the individuals concerned.
• Consider carefully the words you might use, avoiding accusation and emotionally charged or potentially inflammatory words. For example, use “I” instead of “you”. Use “disagreement” instead of “row” or “battle”.
• Consider at least three strengths you perceive each individual brings to the team.
  No matter how hard it is, if you’re feeling frustrated or cross about the situation, there’s a danger you’ll see things through negative filters, and forget the positives each individual has to bring to the team. It is these strengths which are most likely being lost in the middle of all the tension and bickering. Make a note to yourself you will remind the individuals of these strengths, and how you’d really like to focus on how these can be utilised for the benefit of everyone.

Managing Tip 4: The conversation and the importance of listening.

So now you’re ready for the conversations. You’re clear about what you want to achieve, and you’ve considered your approach. Remain approachable, but honest and firm about your expectations throughout. Stay calm, even if they don’t.

Most of all, don’t make this a one-way conversation.

Explain the issue which gives you concern, then listen. If there is a need to vent a little – let them vent; at least for a while. Then, gently, but firmly get them to future focus and suggest ways in which you can all move forward constructively.

It’s worth knowing, conflict, whilst often seen as something negative and to be avoided at all costs, can actually bring about positive change, better mutual understanding and greater harmony, if it is dealt with effectively.

So take the bull by the horns – and sort it out!

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For more information to help you with the people side of management,
including how to improve employee motivation and get the best out of your team, take a look at these great resources:

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How to Handle a Difficult Boss

How to Deal with Difficult Bosses

In the last article I wrote, entitled “How to Successfully Manage your Boss”, I gave four simple rules to help you build a good relationship with someone who could prove to be critical to both your job satisfaction, and your career prospects. A key element of managing that relationship was about respect – respect for differences in style, and respect for our diverse skills and opinions.

At the end of the article I touched on the fact that sometimes, despite our best efforts, we find ourselves working with a difficult boss whose behaviour makes respect disappear out of the window.

If you’ve ever worked for someone who made your life a misery; who didn’t understand you; who seemed to give no recognition of the work you put in, or who undermined you or bullied or intimidated you, I should imagine you’d probably find, not just you, but a whole team working at sub-optimal level.

As a coach, I know this means you’ll do just what you need to to keep out of trouble – and no more. And your eye is on the exit.

For most managers, managing poor performance of their team may be easier than dealing with a difficult boss. So how do you manage the “nightmare” boss? Here are four key tips to help you navigate this tricky situation.

Four Key Tips to Manage a Difficult Boss

1. If your boss is behaving badly, stay calm, step back and consider the following questions:

Has this behaviour happened before? The first two times are probably chance, but according to Brad McRae, author of “Negotiation and Influencing Skills by the third it’s probably a pattern.

Is your boss under a lot of pressure? Stress may be causing this adverse behaviour.

Is this behaviour just with you, or with others too? (If it’s just with you, perhaps you need to consider honing your rapport building techniques.)

Have you been under a lot of pressure? Stress on you may be causing you to see the world in a way you wouldn’t normally, under more relaxed circumstances.

Have you had an adult to adult conversation with this person? Sometimes people don’t realise their behaviour is a problem for you, and talking to them can clear up what turns out to be a simple misunderstanding. Don’t avoid doing this. Whilst it may make you feel uncomfortable, long term avoidance leads to situations not only continuing, but often getting worse.

Worst case scenario? Try mediation. Try speaking to Human Resources or another, more senior member member of staff.

2. Dealing with an angry boss:

If your boss gets angry regularly – don’t even try to join in. Let him/her get angry; have the tantrum. You maintain the adult, higher ground.

The trick is to make yourself scarce until it blows over. Say: “I’m sorry you’re so cross about this, but the only way to solve this is rationally. I’m going to leave now, and I can come back later when we’ve both had time to think this through.”

Then leave. No matter what they say, tell them you want to leave it for now, until there’s been time to reflect. Stay cool, and deal with the issue on your terms.

And when you do eventually speak, stay clear of accusations, or blame, and focus on using the word “we”. “We” shares the responsibility (even if not for the incident, for how you are going to resolve it) and doesn’t look like you are apportioning blame or being condemnatory. “We”, does nothing to inflame the situation.

3. Acknowledge emotions – but never get into an emotional argument.

There are always two important factors in any conflict: the facts over which you disagree, and the emotions each individual feels about the situation.

You may feel like telling your boss he’s a rude pig, a bully (and they may well be), or to “stick their job where the sun don’t shine” - and that may give you momentary satisfaction too; but you’ll regret it. The moment you lose the plot – you’ve lost.

If you can see they are angry or upset – acknowledge that, but lead them back to thinking in rational, adult mode, rather than tantrum child mode. And if you’re feeling frustrated, angry, upset, or any other strong emotion, tell them, but explain which behaviour of theirs is causing you to feel like this. Focus on the behaviour you want to change, not the person themselves. The minute you use language which starts with “You”, you’re into accusatory mode, and they’ll just get defensive; which leads nowhere.

4. If all else fails – leave.

Sometimes it’s clear it’s just never going to work for you. Life’s too short to spend what is a third or more of your life feeling miserable, de-motivated, and unable to utilise your talents. If you are good at what you do, bale out and find another job. But do it on your own terms, in your own time and at your own pace. And while you’re searching for the exit, keep your head down, and your counsel to yourself.

You can probably take comfort from the fact that, if this isn’t a case of an individual personality clash, your boss’s behaviour will be noticed elsewhere – and team performance is likely to be suffering. Those above will notice - and at some point, your boss may get his “come-uppance.”

But that’s not your problem at this stage. You just take control and find somewhere your talent and skill is utilised and appreciated.

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For more information to help you with the people side of management,
including how to improve employee motivation and get the best out of your team, take a look at these great resources:

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