4 Common Mistakes Managers Make When it Comes to Giving Feedback

What do you associate with the words “giving feedback”? You wouldn’t be on your own if the first thoughts you had were things like: criticism; feeling uncomfortable; awkwardness and tricky conversations.

Is there also a link in your mind between giving feedback and underperformance in the workplace?

Last month’s article gave you a structure for giving both positive and negative feedback to an individual or team.

However, you can follow any model you like for giving feedback (and there are a few out there!) – but if you and everyone in your staff think that feedback is all about criticism and negative stuff, then  no model or  training on how to give it is going to help you build a motivated team.

What do you really want? You want a team where:

1. Your staff actively solicit and expect feedback about their performance.
2. Your staff take ownership of, and responsibility for their performance and what they do to improve it.
3. The culture is one which demonstrates on a daily basis the importance and value of feedback.

As with all things – knowing what we want, and knowing how to get there are often two different things! This article shares with you what I believe are the 4 biggest mistakes you can make as a manager, if you want to achieve those three goals above – and offers some suggestions for how, with just some minor tweaks to the way you do things, you could not only achieve those goals, but transform the performance of your team in the process.

The 4 biggest mistakes you can make when you’re trying to build a great feedback culture

Mistake number 1: Reserve your feedback for when someone is underperforming.

For many managers, giving feedback is associated with having to tell someone they are not performing as you would like. For many cultures, giving positive feedback (praise) is almost something to be rationed.

Have you ever heard a manager say: “I shouldn’t have to praise somebody for just doing their job.
That’s what they’re paid for”?

However, is this manager at risk of ignoring good, solid, reliable work; of assuming the only motivator for people is money and they take the view praise or recognition is reserved only for those who do more than their job. But I like this quote from one of the world’s top writers and thinkers about bringing the best out in people; Aubrey Daniels, who says:

“If people are not told they are appreciated, they will assume the opposite.”

How many wives have left their husbands after 25 years of marriage with the words, “you never appreciated me. You took me for granted”?

How many workers do you think have left their roles for the same reasons?

People NEED feedback – and they need feedback which is positive as well as negative. Recognise that your good, solid workers, day in, day out, leave you free to get on with other things, because you can trust them to perform consistently. They form a backbone which brings strength to your team, and to your overall results. Lose them; disenchant them, and you risk fragmenting the team and damaging working relationships.

Mistake number 2: Give more negative feedback than positive.

What’s the ratio of praise to criticism in your team?

Not only do we need to build cultures which give both positive and negative feedback, we need to ensure we give more of the good stuff, than the negative.

Why?

Well – have you ever been at the receiving end of an overly critical teacher, lecturer, parent, partner, friend or boss? How did that make you feel?

My guess is you began to dislike the critic; you “tuned out” to the criticism, because you heard it so often; you felt upset, frustrated, or annoyed; you began to avoid the critic; you wouldn’t hear a valid criticism any longer, and at its worst, you may have found yourself losing self confidence and self-esteem.

Study after study shows the ratio of positive to negative feedback should be at least 5:1 in favour of positive.

Now before you all start raising your hands in the air saying that’s ridiculous, bear with me and check out the next big mistake! Meanwhile, remember this:

“If you give meaningful, sincere and positive feedback often enough,
then constructive criticism is much easier to hear”.

Mistake number 3:  Make a big deal of giving feedback.

So you want to give feedback. Chances are, the most usual times you give it, are at appraisal times; when something’s going wrong and someone is underperforming, or giving praise through big “rah-rah” events – such as “employee of the month” or in public meetings with great ceremony. But actually,

“The consequences that cause people to do their best every day, occur every day.”

Sure – sometimes ceremonies or appraisals are appropriate times for feedback – but they’re not the engine room which will drive motivation and great feedback cultures.

Feedback is NOT about making a big deal of something. It’s about quiet, consistent observation of individual performance, and feeding back what you see in the moment, or as near to it as possible.

Research into the most effective leaders, managers and supervisors shows they feedback regularly while people are actually performing. To be able to do this, they spend more time in the work area.

Guess where the ineffective managers spend their time? Absolutely! In their offices.

Mistake number 4: Believe feedback is a one-way street.

A big one this!

Are you perfect? Doubt it! But a culture where feedback is accepted, trusted and valued, has to ensure it applies to everyone. Mix this mistake with only ever giving negative feedback and it’s likely you’ll face a double whammy of resentment and anger from your staff – and almost certainly a team of high staff turnover.

And actually, it’s my belief that this is definitely one area where it starts at the top
– with you and how you receive feedback.

Do you allow feedback upwards? (If you’ve ever had a boss who didn’t want feedback then you’ll know how frustrating this sometimes feels!)  Do you actively solicit feedback about your managing?

If you’d love a team where people actually ask for feedback, take more individual responsibility for their performance and associate feedback with helpful emotions rather than unhelpful, then it starts by setting the example of how you want things to be.  Start small – try asking how you can be a more effective support to a member of staff – and see what they come up with. Ask them what they think you do well, and what you might perhaps do more of, or less of. If you’re planning a particular strategy, wherever possible, ask your staff for feedback on your plans; incorporate some of their ideas if possible, and check in at appropriate milestones to see if they have any further feedback.

It will take patience and persistence, particularly in a team where they have always had the controlling, critical boss, but once they see you genuinely value and expect feedback, they’ll become more comfortable with the whole process, and ultimately, more likely to mirror those behaviours and attitudes, for the good of the team, and your performance!

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For more information to help you with the people side of management,
including how to improve employee motivation and get the best out of your team, take a look at these great resources:

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Becoming a Confident Manager: 5 tips to help you become more confident in any situation

How confident are you as a manager?

What situations make you feel a little unsure, uncomfortable or less confident about how to handle?

For the new manager, being thrust into suddenly having responsibility for achieving through others can feel daunting, intimidating or overwhelming.   (Particularly when some of those “others” may be people you used to work alongside).

Even for the manager who has been managing for years, with the ever-changing market place, new technologies and a more diverse range of ages and cultures in your workplace, there are likely to be many situations which leave you feeling a little nervous or unsure.

Way back in my career as a teacher, I remember standing nervously in front of 30  expectant, intelligent, articulate individuals, all waiting to see how well I would perform, how successfully I could engage them, and how  much of a “pushover” I was going to be!

Did it make my knees knock a little? You bet!

Later, as I took my first tentative steps towards mentoring, coaching and managing others in industry, I would feel those same feelings: nervousness; worried about my ability to manage what could be some quite tricky situations; concern about how others might perceive me and just a little vulnerable – did I know enough to do this job well?

Where do managers feel a lack of confidence?

There are three key areas which many managers report are the most tricky for them. What are they?

1. Managing others who have higher qualifications than you or who are qualified in a different discipline.
2. Influencing peers or external stakeholders where you have no direct authority, but good working relationships with these people are fundamental to good performance.
3. Managing upwards. Whew is this a biggie! In many of the workshops I run, when I ask people to think of who they most want to be more effective at managing, a staggering proportion of those attending include their immediate line manager or higher  in their top 3.

Each of these situations requires both consummate communication skills and a high degree of self-confidence.

So, what does a manager need to do to increase their confidence in these, or any other, “tricky” situations ?

5 keys to building your self confidence as a manager:

1. Do what you believe to be right – even if others mock or criticise you for it.
   From the moment you take on any management role, others are looking at you to see what kind of a manager you are going to be. Just as those children were “sussing me out” in the classroom all those years ago, your staff are doing the same with you. How you behave sets the scene for everything else.

   This is about two things really:
   a) Getting absolutely clear about what’s really important to you, in terms of what needs to be accomplished, and what attitudes and behaviours you expect. Think of it as creating your own vision of “how we do things around here”.
   b) When it comes to core values about how people work together you never compromise. In all else, you are open to suggestion and influence. In recent studies, outstanding managers, with the highest performing, most committed teams, all had crystal clear ideas about the kind of culture they wanted to create, and what was important to them – and they communicated this to everyone they worked with and  gained “buy in” from all key stakeholders.

   When you feel clear and comfortable about what’s really important to you, and everything you do demonstrates this, even if others don’t always agree with you, they will respect your integrity, trust you, and know where they stand. Chances are  you’ll have fewer tricky situations in future too!

2. 2. Realise you don’t have to know it all.
   There’s a very interesting video on “You-Tube” which really demonstrates the almost frightening pace of change which affects business today. Check out Karl Fisch’s “Shift Happens” when you have a moment.

   For now, it’s useful to see your role, not as being an “expert” at a particular subject, but rather an “expert” at helping to facilitate the expertise of others!

   Instead of being intimidated by someone who seems more qualified than you, ask yourself: “How can I utilise this expertise for the benefit of the individual, the team, and the organisation?”
   When you focus on what you can do to help others help you achieve the overall goals, not only do you get better results, you develop an awesome reputation as a highly skilled leader.

   Every really successful CEO I’ve ever come across sees others’ expertise and ambition as an opportunity – not a threat! The best managers just need to know how to engage smart people to get the job done.

3. 3. Be willing to take risks, and go the extra mile to achieve things
   Building your own sense of personal power and influence comes from being willing to take risks yourself; from facing your fears, and dealing with what you know needs to be done.

   At a personal level, if you don’t face the underperforming member of staff, for example, because you don’t feel confident to deal with it, you become trapped and nothing will be resolved until something forces the situation. Your confidence is likely to decrease even more as time goes on. Meanwhile, don’t kid yourself others aren’t noticing. They are. And this will further dent your confidence.

4. 4. Admit your mistakes – and learn from them
   This really follows on from tip number 3.

   If you’re going to be willing to take risks – you won’t always get it right! However, as long as you learn from that mistake, you will be ready to try something different, and each time you do, you’ll increase your confidence. And if you create a culture where others see it’s OK to make mistakes, you’ll build the confidence of your staff too!

5. Give credit to others
   We all know people who are expert at extolling their own virtues! Individuals who have a high level of self-esteem and confidence don’t need to shout about their accomplishments.

   Don’t feel the need to shout about what you’ve done, or what you know. Instead, give others the limelight at every opportunity. Whether you’re managing up, down or across, think of how you can help others to excel, and you are more likely to be rewarded with excellence.

   And when you achieve excellent results, allow yourself a pat on the back, accept any compliments about how well you managed those diverse individuals gracefully, and get excited about the next challenges!

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For more information to help you with the people side of management,
including how to improve employee motivation and get the best out of your team, take a look at these great resources:

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Conflict Management Skills: How Managers Can Reduce Gossip, Politics, Blame and Moaning in Their Team

Do you ever think if your staff put even half the same energy into more productive and focused discussion and behaviour you’d be getting a darned sight better results?

Do you think it’s naive to imagine a team where these behaviours and attitudes didn’t exist?

Do you know some teams/managers or organisations where they do seem to have great working relationships, but you put that down to “luck” – they’ve just got “good people”?

Do you wish you knew how to deal with this more effectively?

Managing Employee Conflict

One thing’s for sure: if you experience this in your team, you’ll certainly be aware how time- consuming, frustrating, and energy draining these behaviours and attitudes are; and you’ll certainly realise they’re eating away at productivity, performance and the overall results you demonstrate.

But when you’re short on time and unsure how to tackle the issue, what do you do?

First, you need to know, running an occasional team building day, reading managing conflict articles or attending a course on communication is helpful in resolving workplace conflict – but it’s highly unlikely to produce lasting change. In some cases, I’ve seen such a strategy be a monumental, extremely expensive, flop. At a time when every penny counts, wouldn’t it be more sensible to consider more effective and lasting ways of dealing with the root causes of poor team dynamics and under-performance?

Second, you need to stop thinking that changing attitudes and behaviours is all your responsibility. You have to take the lead – that’s for sure. There is still much truth in the adage, “it starts at the top”. So start by getting really clear about the attitudes and behaviours you want to see more of in your team. Culture, at its simplest, is really just about “the way we do things around here”. As the manager, how do you want things done around here? What kind of attitudes and behaviours do you want to foster and encourage to show effective workplace leadership, and which would you want to discourage?

When asked, most managers I work with are quite clear about what they want – or at the very least what they don’t want! There’s often talk of having staff who have more of a “can do” attitude; who are committed; who try to focus on solutions instead of problems; who don’t waste time on the “moan” or “blame” roundabout, and who don’t play the negative work games of politics and gossip.

The problem is, whilst they know what they want, when it comes down to how to achieve this goal things get a little hazy!
As a coach, I know that achieving any goal is about taking consistent and regular steps which move you nearer to your ideal.
Ad-hoc, just doesn’t cut it. Especially if the goal is quite challenging.
And the onus for making all the changes in workplace motivation is not just the responsibility of the manager either!

The most successful, outstanding managers, expect, and successfully encourage their staff to take some responsibility for workplace conflict resolution. They encourage staff to take ownership for making “the way we do things around here” good for everyone.

It’s a bit like a sports coach – you can mentor, train and encourage others – but you can’t do their press-ups for them! At some point, they have to take ownership. Outstanding managers build cultures where such accountability is the norm.

So, effective team building means you need to communicate clear messages about the attitudes and behaviours you expect in your team, but then this must be supported through implementing strategies and tactics which make it easy for your people to engage in an interpersonal workplace, to discuss and to grow their own interpersonal skills.

And these strategies and tactics need to become a regular feature of “the way you do things around here”.

3 Conflict Management Skills which Will Make A Positive Difference to your Team

1. In resolving workplace conflict, set up a simple and “safe” feedback mechanism which allows people to express their views.

   In my experience with conflict resolution management, people want to be heard more than they may necessarily expect to get what they want. Moaning, back-biting and gossip grows when there’s no other outlet to express dissatisfaction or concern.

   The simplest, and least threatening process for gaining feedback is through a staff survey. Now there are staff surveys, and there are staff surveys! In the same way that 360 feedback can be done well or badly, the same is true of staff surveys. It needs to be simple, anonymous, and give you the results in real time – not months later when everyone has forgotten all about it. Most importantly, it should form the basis for measuring just where you are now in terms of working relationships, and what might need tweaking; and for everyone to see the results don’t go into a black hole, but actually form the basis for actions to improve things.

   Even if your staff are cynical at first, let them see this is not some token activity, but a genuine intention to improve the way things are for everyone. With commitment and consistency of message, you’ll start to see real shifts in attitudes and behaviours, and the atmosphere will be far more open and upbeat.

2. To manage employee conflict, review what’s working well, and where the team feel they could work better – then set some individual and team goals.

   This doesn’t have to be onerous. In fact, it’s better when it’s fun, short and sharp, and goal centred. Thirty minutes in a team meeting, or 15 minutes as part of a learning lunch, done regularly, which build momentum, structure and a sense of direction to what you’re doing.

   Once some goals have been set, agree when you’ll review these – and then stick to it!

3. Re-assess and measure progress on a regular basis.

   Build a regular review into your year. At the very least, you should re-do the staff survey twice a year. People should see this as an important part of the culture; not some token activity done for appearances sake, but something which genuinely offers a vehicle for developing stronger working relationships and honing communication and people skills.

   And make sure you celebrate progress. You may not change a rather negative culture overnight – in fact it’s highly unlikely! However, if teams are reporting less back-biting, less conflict or tension, and people feel a more positive atmosphere, you’re on the right track.

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For more information to help you with the people side of management,
including how to improve employee motivation and get the best out of your team, take a look at these great resources:

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Conflict Resolution Management: Can A Manager Create A Motivated, Conflict-free Team?

Two of the Most Common Challenges in Conflict Resolution Management

• How do I motivate my staff to want to do more?
• How do I prevent in-fighting and tension, so I’ve got more time to focus on getting the job done?

I find managers often talk of feeling frustrated or uncertain about how to deal with conflict or apathy and underperfomance on their team. As a coach and when I do employee coaching, it saddens me, quite frequently, that I’m brought in to coach someone where tension, conflict and disengagement have already reached quite serious levels, and are negatively impacting individual or wider team performance.

It’s such a shame – and on many occasions, (if not all), it could actually have been avoided.
How?

First of all, you need to understand what happens when conflict and tension occurs. Take a look at the following conflict management chart:

BAD FEELING = UNMET NEED

When people aren't finding their needs are met in the workplace it leads to them feeling bad. It could be they're frustrated in their role; it could be they're struggling to cope with pressure; it could be they have some good ideas but no-one listens. Hundreds of causes - one result: unhappy. So, they

This is all too often by the water cooler, or in the canteen, and rarely is the moan directed at the person it needs to be directed to! Assuming the manager notices what's going on, effectively defusing the situation would be helpful here - but there may be a tendency to ignore or avoid dealing with the situation at this stage in the hope it will go away.

Apathy is probably already setting in.

If there is no opportunity to communicate and the problem continues then this is likely to lead to more overt....

CRITICISM

Now staff are more open in their criticism and possibly a little more hostile in their manner. The possibility of comments being made which cause annoyance or anger increase, leading to the...

ROW

Always harder to handle, shifting focus from what's really important, and taking up time you don't have, trying to deal with the fall-out.

And now performance has really dropped - with potential ripple effects to others on your staff too. You're a manager fighting fires with a danger it may lead to...

DISPUTE

Which can lead to

STRIKE/GRIEVANCE PROCEDURE

Which can ultimately lead to

RESIGNATION

Recognise the pattern?

Clearly, the further down the line, the more performance drops, and the harder it becomes to deal with the problem.
Two of the most common responses I see to repair relationships and re-motivate staff are some ad-hoc attempts at team building and one to one communication with individual members of staff as and when the manager has the time.

But such responses, although well-meaning, have little lasting impact and in my experience simply “tinker round the edges” of the problem.

The number one mistake a manager can make?
Burying their head in the sand and only intervene lower down the line – when it’s already at the criticism stage or beyond.

By then, of course, it’s more tricky to deal with, and you’re into “fighting fires” mode.

Conflict Resolution Management: A Closer Look for Answers

Have a system in place which supports and encourages open feedback and communication, as well as tools and resources to more effectively develop staff.

Here are three suggestions which can help make conflict management a win win scenario and begin to create a “can-do” culture instead of a “moaning” culture.

1. Ensure you know your staff. Familiary does NOT breed contempt; it breeds understanding. The more you know your staff, the more you’ll pick up early warning signs of unrest or disengagement.Research shows the highest performing managers don’t actually spend masses of time with each individual member of staff. Most spend no more than around 2 hours over the year, but this is spread out in regular one to one catch ups and is totally informal and separate from meetings scheduled for appraisals or other more formal activities.

These managers know their staff; what motivates them, what frustrates them. They listen, give praise regularly, and seek opportunities to both give and receive feedback.

In return for this small investment of time and genuine interest, they build a positive “relationship bank account” with each individual, which means there is less chance of tensions escalating or apathy setting in.

2. Nip “moans” in the bud. As a manager, you need to have your radar up for signs of unrest. If you’ve put tip one into action, you’ll get the “heads up” about problems early on anyhow. Deal with them immediately – and wherever possible, encourage staff to not just bring their problem to you, but be willing to suggest possible solutions themselves, instead of expecting you to always sort it out. And don’t worry that you always need to find an answer; or that you may not be able to solve every “moan”.

In my experience, people want to be heard, more than they want the problem resolved. Often, they know you might not be able to do anything about it, but the fact that you’ve acknowledged their issue, and genuinely listened will defuse the escalation of criticism, and if they see that, where possible you do take action, they’ll accept that sometimes, you can’t wave a magic wand!

3. Set up processes and systems to encourage open communication. Ad hoc is no good. Developing strong relationship bank accounts with your staff takes diligence and consistency.

Conflict Resolution Management does not require masses of time – but is more about the way you do things, and setting up processes to support this.
Consider annonymous staff surveys; regular informal one to one meetings; including specific communication skills training on team building days; (particularly those of giving and receiving feedback and conflict handling) and think about how you and your team can better understand and support the differing strengths, talents and motivational drivers of each individual for better team performance.

As the diagram shows, effective managers consider what they need to have in place to work right at the top of the model. The time, energy and money they will save by doing so are well worth the initial effort of putting these processes in place.

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For more information to help you with the people side of management,
including how to improve employee motivation and get the best out of your team, take a look at these great resources:

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